One Piece Abridged Treasure Episode 1: Draft 15
This is a script that me and my friend (my editor) made during my college years so about 3 years ago. It's not in its final draft so my sense has changed and this was from a time when I really hated 4kids which I know gets in the way of humor but yeah, it's in the past. Enjoy. Warning, this script contains cuss words and crude humor. Warning, this script contains cuss words and crude humor. Warning, this script contains cuss words and crude humor. ONE PIECE ABRIDGED TREASURE EP1 I CAN’T WAIT TO BE PIRATE KING!!! Script: Draft 15 ' ' Disclaimer: The''' following is a NONPROFIT fanbased PARODY.' ' ONE PIECE is owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, Shonen Jump, Fuji TV, and Eiichiro Oda''' ' Please support the official release or ELSE!!!' ' Or else what?' ' No cake for you!' ' Ahgeahahahaha' ' ' Scene: Part of 1st intro with the map and Gold Roger’s last words '' '' Narrator: Wealth! Fame! Power! and…. Bitches! Gold Roger! The pirate king that has everything that an otaku wish he had. (pathetically crying) Why couldn’t I be like him?! (crying again!!) '' '' Narrator’s Mom: Well, MAYBE!!!! if you had spend more time on getting an actual job! than doing your love pillow that you call your TEACHER!!! Maybe you would have!!! Narrator: Not now, Mom!!!! Sniff…Somehow (Lessing crying tone) the 4kids Navy caught him and now they’re going to execute him. Wait, What the F…… (Interrupted line skipped to next scene) Gold roger walks handcuffed on the way to the execution grounds in Lougetown. As he walks, sound effects of his footstep and his chains. ' ' Narrator: And now we get to see his final moments. Let’s see what the audience has to say. Audience at scene: Crowd noise Give back my girl friend!, How the hell did you get caught?, You suck!!! Why are you smiling?! You’re about to die!, Where did you hid your treasure? I love your mustache, You must join our Mustache Club!!!!, You’re Handsome!, Marry Me! Can I have your autograph before you die?, Where’s One Piece?, In a bookstore, where else?, I like One Piece! This isn’t where the anime started!, You still haven’t watched my abridged series, you son of a bitch! As Gold Roger walks and finally stops at the execution ground. '' '' Gold Roger: 'Excuse me? Can you take off these handcuffs?! They’re straining my wrists! '''4kidsNavy1: '''No. '''Gold Roger: '''Asshole. '' '' '' '' ''Gold Roger reaches at the top, sits down, 4kidsNavy people prepare their spears in an X-position near his neck. '' '' '''4kidsNavy1: '''Any last words before we kill you in front of everybody?! '''Gold Roger: '''Waiiit for it. '''Random guy from audience: '''Hey, Pirate King! Where’s your treasure?! '''ONE PIECE!!! ' ' Other Randoms (in the background): Crowd noise Yeah! I want it too!, You want a swimsuit?, I prefer bikinis!, Where is it?, Is it gold and jewels?, It better not be a puzzle piece!, What a weird name for a treasure!, One Piece of what?, Is it a real treasure?, One Piece of Crap! That’s what it is!, No that’s the name of a video on Youtube, Does it even exist?, Mustache!, Is it buried in your backyard? Selfish man: 'HEY!, IT’S MINE!!!!!! ''(shoots) Silence…. '''Idiot: I eat gold! (random comment) (shoots) ' ' Gold Roger: My treasure?........hahahaHAHAHAHA! 'YOU ALL WANT MY TREASURE?!!!... YOU CAN HAVE IT!!! I LEFT IT THERE!!! Become pirates and search for it THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE WORLD!!!! (''pause) Oh yeah and raise hell for the navy. 'Audience: '''YEAH!!! ''(applause and cheer) WE ARE GOING TO BE RICH!!!!! ' ' '''4kidsNavy1: SILENCE!!!!!! Tell me where it is! (STRONG COMMANDING VOICE) Gold Roger: NO! Just look for it, you damn idiot! Where’s the romance in just telling you? 4kidsNavy1: Okay! Can I at least get a hint? Gold Roger: NO! Just stab me to start the plot! (Stab sound effect) Narrator: During the next 12 years, pirates from all over the world set sail for the Grand Line, searching for One Piece, that would make their dreams come true. HA! Yeah right!! Most of them are going to die! FMF: Yes, they are….So now what? HKD: We wait for the main character to get it. FMF: Okay, so how long is it going to take to abridge this series? 50 episodes? HKD: Well, by now, the anime is almost halfway done so probably about 1000 episodes or more! FMF: FUUUCCCCKing Fantastic!!!!!!... Let’s do it!!! HKD: After I do a new move on my teacher! FMF: Teacher? You don’t mean… HKD: Yeah! I going to do the…. FMF interrupts: INTRO, NOW!!!! Intro ' ' Luffy’s childhood scene with Shanks in the bar. He does not have a scar. Shanks has an Australian /British accent). Everyone else is drinking, eating, and PARTY!!! Luffy: '''Hey, Shanks, Can I join your pirate crew?! '''Shanks: '''HAHAHAHA! F*** NO!!! '''Yasopp: '''Besides, you’re short! And I bet you can’t even punch! 'Luffy: '''I CAN SO! ''(Punching pose) 'Shanks: '''Impressive!!!!.... If you actually punched something! ''(Mocking tone) '''Luffy: '''Go to hell! (Angry)'' '' '' Shanks: '''Look, kid! The only way you can be a pirate is if you have a scar! Like '''me! It shows that you have been in lots of fights and most of all, you’ll look like a BADASS! ' ' Luffy: 'Okay! '' '' '''Shanks: '''Oi! Luffy! What are you doing with that knife?! And what’s with this lame animation?! ''(Referring to manga page of Luffy holding a knife) Black censored scene.'TITLE: DO NOT ATTEMPT. (FLASHING RED MULTIPLE TIMES)'' MOSTLY BECAUSE WE DO NOT WANT TO BE SUED INSTEAD '' BLAME VIOLENT VIDEOGAMES'' ESPECIALLY THOSE 1ST PERSON SHOOTER GAMES! Luffy cuts himself. (Stab sound effect) Shanks: '''OH 'CRIKEY HELL!!!! '''Luffy: '''Ahh! It hurts! And I thought listening to your fake accent was painful! '''Shanks: ' WHY DID YOU LISTEN TO ME?!!!! YOU DUMBASS?!!!! Black censored scene ended. ''Scene: Bar ' '''Narrator:' ''After surgery that somehow hides his scar temporary. ' ' '''Luffy: '''Am I a pirate now? '''Shanks: '''NOOOO!!! Not after what you did! ''(Angry tone) Luffy: 'Awwww. '''Shanks: '''Don’t feel too bad. Have some rum. It’s a pirate drink! '''Luffy: '''Thanks! ''He drinks it. '' '' '' Yum! ''Everyone else laughs! '''Shanks: '''Haha! That was apple juice, Moron!!! Ah!.... (Recovering from laughter phase) Only wimps drink juice!'' ( Still Recovering from laughter phase)'' 'Luffy: '''Bastards! ''Mountain bandit, Higuma, and gang breaks door getting in bar and walks in. Break door sound effect '''Higuma: '''Hey!!! Got some juice? '''Shanks:'' murmuring Speaking of lassies. '''Makino the bartender: '''This is a bar! What do you '''think'? (Are you stupid tone) Higuma: '''Hmmm. I think I’ll have some apple juice…. with a tiny umbrella. It is just SOO '''DARLING! (Unusual happy tone) Shanks: 'HAHA! ''(Mocking laugh) '' ''Are you kidding me? Are you guys really men? '''Lucky: Apple juice sounds great! Bartender, I’ll have some too!!! Rest of pirates agreeing at the same time: Yeah!, It’s been a while!, I love tiny umbrellas!, Me too!, They’re so cute!, Give me some!, Not cute as the bartender!, Sweet!, Love apple juice!, Can’t get enough of it! Screw alcohol! Shanks: QUIET!!!! You making me look bad in the front of the kid! Luffy: So does that mean your whole entire crew are wimps? Shanks: NOOOOOOO!!! Anyway…Sorry mate, this place has no juice. But try some rum! It’s bloody GOOD! He tries to hand him a bottle of rum. Higuma: 'RUUM?! ''(Surprised tone) Smashes bottle and glass scatters on shanks. Shanks is on the floor. (Glass smash sound effect) 'Higuma: '''WHAT SQUALLY WAGS DRINK ALCOHOL?! ''(Irritated tone) '''Shanks: About every respected member of society, mate! Lucky: I don’t have respect for you. Shanks: Shut up (Quick tone) Higuma: Hmph! I’ll take my business elsewhere. We Mountain Bandits don’t want to drink in a place filled with… PIIIIRATES…..HA!!(mocking tone) Kill ya later. (Footstep sounds). He left. '' '' '' ''Shanks and others laugh but luffy got MAD! Luffy: 'Why didn’t you fight him? ''(Angry tone) Got their attention You guys are a bunch of Usopps! '''Usopp: HEY! (feel insulted) Shanks: '''Are you kidding me? Those ratbag wankers??? I’m not even bleeding! I bet they don’t even have a donger! 'Luffy: '''You should have anyway if you’re real men! '''Shanks: '''Calm down, jackeroo! Eat some food. It’ll cheer you up! '''Luffy: '''Okay. ''He eats devil fruit from nearby treasure chest. Yuck! This fruit taste like 4kids. 'Shanks: '''Wait! Fruit?! Blimey stingrays! What have you done? '''Luffy: '''I think I just ate shit. '''Shanks: '''THAT WASN’T FOR YOU! YOU LITTLE RUNT!!! ''(angry) Grabbing him by his knees and trying to make him spit it out. ''Luffy: AH. AH. AH. AH.'' '' (he says while being shaken as Shanks is talking until his head hit the ground later) '' '' Shanks: Spit it out! Augh! Even though you clearly CHEWED IT WELL!!!! DAMN YOU AND YOUR GOOD MANNERS!!! His heads stretches and hits the ground (HEAD SMASH SOUND EFFECT) ' ' 'Shanks: '''Oh bugger! I hope nobody reports this as child abuse! ''His heads snaps back to normal ' ' '''Luffy: '''Huh?!!! What happened?!!! '''Shanks: '''You ate the Devil Fruit: Gomu Gomu No Mi. Now your whole body can stretch like Rubber! '''Luffy: '''Wait, even my---- '''Shanks: '''Yes Luffy! Even '''thaaat.'' Geeeez! Couldn’t you have waited until Amazon Lily for that joke? Luffy: Amazon what? Shanks: Oh nothing. Lucky: Where’s my apple juice? ' ' Scene: Outdoors Narrator: '''Later that evening (EYECATCH)'' Luffy: 'Oww! ''He’s pushed against a pole while Higuma and bandits beat him up. 'Higuma: '''I can’t believe you thought you can beat us all up. Did you get hit in the head or something? ''Flashback: Luffy’s head hit ground like earlier with shanks. (Crash sound effect) 'Luffy: '''Nooooooo. '''Higuma: '''Doesn’t matter! You are about to die. ' ''' '''Mayor: Hold it! Higuma: '''Huh?! '' '' '''Mayor: '''I’ll give you money if you return him safely. '''Higuma: '''Really?! Well then, I want one billion…. '''Mayor: 1 beri. Higuma: What? Mayor: Alright then, 2 beri. Higuma: You gotta be SHITTING ME! Mayor: Fiiiinnnnee!!! 5 beri! Aand that’s my final offer! It’s more than he’s worth. Luffy: FUCK YOU, OLD MAN! Mayor: I love you too, dildo boy!! Higuma: Dildo? ……Hmmm. I wonder if I could wear him …. FOR LOTS OF FUN!!!!! (Creepy tone) Shanks and crew arrive Shanks: HAHAHA!!! Yeah Right! You’d need some pretty good tweezers for your tiny…''(Mocking tone)'' (interrupted) '' '''Luffy:' Save me already! Shanks: Luffy! How did you get into that situation? Luffy: Well… Whoosh sound effect '' '' Flashback ' ' Luffy: I still think you should have kicked their ass!! ' ' Shanks: ' ''(Drunk) Hugh….I don’t feel like it….. Why don’t '''YOU do it instead? THUMP (Shanks fell down to drinking too much….again….) Luffy: Hey, bandits! Time to get revenge! Cracking knuckles Sounds of luffy getting beat up '' '' OoooAHHH. '' '' '''Higuma: Nobody interrupts my juice time. '''Narrator:' Wait, WHAT? Whoosh sound effect to 'Present' Shanks: Oh Bloody Hell kangaroo sandwich, Luffy. You really got to stop listening to me when I’m drunk! Fine! I’ll save you! '' '' Shanks steps forward until Bandit #1 stops him. '' '' Bandit #1: Don’t move any closer or else I’ll shoot you with this cork gun. Shanks: Are you FUCKING serious? You know what happens when you point a 4kids weapon at me? Bandit#1: No, wh…. Lucky (the guy eating meat) shoots Bandit1 instantly. '' '' Higuma: Oh god!.... Well at least he’s not dead. Shanks: What are you willieless morons talking about?!!! He’s dead!!! Higuma: You shot him with a cap gun, didn’t you? Shanks: No, he’s really dead! His brain is gushing out! Bandit2: I don’t see any brain. Shanks: Oh my mistake, he doesn’t have one. Higuma: What the hell! MAN?! That’s not in the 4kids script! Shanks: F*** the script! We’re pirates for god’s sake! Honestly! What do you expect? A Nerf gun? Higuma: Ahhahahh….…''(Fake laugh)'' SHUT UP! GET HIM! YOU GENERIC Rest of bandits charged at him but Ben defeats them right away. '' '' Star wars scream and beating sound effects '' '' Higuma:....hench...men....(lower tone) Shanks:'' Ahh, Blood! '' '' '''Higuma:' But they’re not bleeding. '' '' Shanks:'' Internally, chap, Internally Now give us back the boy. '''Higuma:' Hell no! Smokescreen jutsu! Shanks: Oh crocodiles and tea, he pulled out a pansy ninja move. (panic expression) OH NOOOO!! WHERE’S LUFFY?!!! Lucky: Don’t worry, Captain! I got X-ray goggles. I know where he went. Shanks: Well, tell me and……STOP LOOKING AT MY SHORTS!!!! Lucky: Sorry! He’s at the most obvious place a mountain bandit would be. (ocean scene plays as he talks) The mountain! (Higuma shows up in a boat with luffy) Higuma: Nobody would ever think that I would be out on the ocean. Now time to feed the fishes! Throws luffy in water Luffy: 'Glopgopglop ''(drowning) Help me! (he continues to make drowning noises as Higuma laughs) '''Higuma: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA While he laughs, the serpent, Fat bastard, hums the Jaws theme. Jaws theme as Fat Bastard hum along Fat bastard: '''DU DOO DU DOO DU DOO ''(fast pace etc.) ''DUN!! '''Higuma: '''Huh?! '''Fat bastard: '''Don’t I make a great Jaws! But NOOOOOOO! They rejected me because they said I was too fat!!! '''Higuma: '''Shut up, you fat bastard! '''Fat bastard: '''I’M NOT FAT!!! GET IN MY BELLY!!! '''Higuma: AHHHHH!!!! '' '' EATEN Fat bastard: Yuck, tastes like 4kids. Ohh, a baby! Luffy: Oh no! (Drowning) Glopglopgopgop Fat bastard: ''('Singing the chili’s song)'' I want my baby back ribs. 2X Chili! Baby back.. '''Luffy: Shut up! Now you got that song in my head, you deaf-tone fat bastard!!! (talking while drowning tone) Fat bastard: I’M ON A DIET, DAMN IT! I’M TRYING TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!! Luffy: Well, it’s definitely not working!!! ' ' Fat bastard: SHUT UP! I’m so depressed now!!.......I think I’ll eat you for comfort!!! RAHH!!!! Fat bastard attacks Luffy: '''Oh crap!!! Someone help me! He bites and Shanks appear with fierce eyes. '''Shanks: Get lost! (really angry tone) ' ' ' ' Fat bastard: 'Oh!!! A staring contest! Eh! I bet I could win… ''He looks deeper into shanks eyes! He sees Chuck Norris(left eye) and Duke Nukem (right eye). '''Fat bastard: What the! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!(really horrorfied scream) (janitor’s evil eye music, look it up on youtube) '' Then Fish and chips shows up in the middle.'' shows up in Shanks’ eyes with glowing red eyes. RUN…..uh, SWIIIIIM AWAY!!!!! MOMMIEeEeEeEe!!! He escapes! '' '' Shanks:'' Sorry I didn’t get here earlier but that fat guy…. '' '' ''Luffy crying '' '' Shanks: 'Don’t cry, mate! You’re alive! ' ' '''Luffy: '''But, Shanks! Your arm! '''Shanks: '''Don’t worry, I’ll just get automail like that shorty from Full Metal Alchemist. ''Fullmetal alchemist: Ed ranting in an outrage while his brother Al, is restraining him. '''Ed: Don’t call me small! I’ll break off your other arm and stick it up your ass (angry tantrum). Al: '''Calm down, brother! You know it’s true. '''Ed: FUUCCKKK YOOOU, AL!!!! Scene change to island dock. '' '' Narrator:'' Obviously shorty after '''Luffy:' So you’re leaving, Shanks?! Shanks: Yeah! I want to get away from you so I don’t lose my other pleasuring hand! Luffy: So, can I join your crew now? Shanks: Neeyhh (while sticking out tongue) NOOO!!! Luffy: AWWW! Shanks: Tell you what, mate, I’ll give you my straw hat. Go out to sea 10 yrs later and return to it me in PERFECT CONDITION!!!! ......like that’s possible (sarcastic) Then it’ll prove you’re a bloody good enough pirate to be in my crew. Luffy cries as he accepts hat. Luffy: 'I don’t need your pity!!! ''As he talks, the crew looks proud as they listen '' '' I’ll gather a crew stronger than yours and find ONE PIECE, become the Pirate King!, and '''CONQUER THE WORLD!!! ''(in a demonic voice)'' Silence. Everyone is shocked. Shank: Where the bloody koala did that come from?!!!!! ' ' 10 years later '' '' Shanks: '''Ahhhh. At last! The gate to Full Metal Alchemist. I wonder if Winry is still single? '''BOOM!! Roy Mustang destroy gate with fire '' '' Shank'':' What the.…(WTF surprised)'' '' '' '''Roy Mustang: '''Too slow! She’s my bitch! '''Shanks: '''YOU F@#KING WANKER! '''Ed: I’m gonna kill you, Colonel! (Very Angry Tone) Riza Hawkeye: So Winry’s your bitch, huh? Roy: Oh-oh Riza shoot gun many times. '' '' '' Arghhhh…..This…THIS ABRIDGED SERIES SUCKS!!!! Thump! '''FMF:' HEY!!!! '' '' AND ONE MORE TIME. BANG!!! '' '' THE END: END SCENE '' '' '' '' Extra: Shanks talking to Lucky after Lucky told him Luffy is at the sea. Shanks: So that’s where that williness bastard went….Wait a minute! Lucky! How long have you been wearing those X-ray googles? Lucky: '''Just long enough to look that bartender’s bo… '''Makino: ''(Screams)'' Pervert! SLAP!!! '' '' Lucky: Worth it!!! LUFFY’S HEAD COUNT SO FAR: 3 Category:Abridged